The Fear is Real

Hey All –

I wasn’t going to write today because I’ve been caught up in a cycle of suck – but then I thought, why not write it away? I mean, that is what I do best after all. Write.

So here it is: I’m trying to plan a birthday party for my son, and I’m panicking. Full-on irrational tears while I’m typing up his evite. Why? Because my brain is convinced no one will come to his birthday party. Which, for the record has never happened, and most likely never would, but I can’t let go of it.

See? Completely irrational.

This fear carries over to most of my life’s social situations. I tend to not invite people over because I fear they’ll say no. So letting someone into my house is a big deal. I have to really know them and trust them. I have to believe they’ll say yes, and if it’s a ‘no’ understand that it’s not me, but a timing issue.

However, I LOVE going to other people’s homes for dinner and parties. I never turn down invites because I love to socialize — I just don’t want to face rejection by hosting my own event.

As I write this, I can see how silly it all sounds, and yet I can’t shake the feeling that my son’s birthday will be a bust.

Ah well, only one more name to input into the evite before I push send.

For my son, I’ll be courageous enough to do that.

Social anxiety sucks.

xoxo~dawn

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